Friday, October 2, 2009

Is Plus Size Nereida Working Voodoo On Cristano Ronaldo?

The problem comes just days after the Spanish club reportedly received a letter from a witchdoctor casting a voodoo spell over the Portuguese star. The anonymous witchdoctor said Ronaldo would suffer injury and loss of form, adding: “I have nothing against Real Madrid," wrote the anonymous witch in a letter to the El Mundo newspaper. "I am a professional and get paid very well for using my powers. I have been contracted by one of Cristiano Ronaldo ex girlfriends, very famous. This woman has offered me 30.000 € to cause serious injury to the midfielder. I can’t promise that will be, but I can say he will be injured for more time than he plays." According to Mallorca Diario Plus Size Nereida is Suspect Number One!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Fat Chicks In Spandex - Lyric by Sudden Death

Oh no, there they go another herd of elephants
With big fat legs in tight black pants
And an image of themselves that can't be clear
'Cause it's obvious they ain't never looked in a mirror
Following fashion is no surprise
But when the fashion follows the form of your thighs
And reveals every mound and cluster of fat
Then it's time to take 'em off and take the damn things back
But no, they gotta go strut their stuff
And I'm here to say that enough is enough
Spandex shorts, stretch pants and such
If you weigh too much you're showin' way too much
Spandex doesn't hide where you sag
You look like a goddam hefty bad
Wrappin' up all your cellulite wreckage
Somethin' tells me it's gonna be one of those decades
Marchin' in the mall two ton by twoI guarantee that they're gonna sit by you
Showin' off everything the fabric ain't fixin'
Please God please no more fat chicks in spandex

Everywhere I go I just can't get away
From the overweight legs gift wrapped every day
I'm a humble man, I don't ask for much
But it would be nice to keep down my lunch
But I can't, they always walk by when I'm eating
My muscles all lock and my heart starts beating
Irregularly every time that I see
A walking wooly mammoth in a woman's size three
Clumps of fat popping out everywhere
Her pants are so tight I can see all her hair
It wiggles and wobbles when they're ridin' on a bike
Now I know what Al Bundy must feel like
The only thing I can imagine that would be any worse
Is Roger Ebert in a speedo but that's a whole nother verse
They wear 'em so much they're gonna wear the things up
And when the pants give away they're gonna all hang out
Beauty's in the eye of the beholder but
When these beauties walk by I keep my eyes shut
Black abominations they're squeezin' their hips in
Please God please no more fat chicks in spandex

If the back of your legs look like cottage cheese
If you're talking scale says "get off please"
If both of your breasts hang down to your knees
Then you shouldn't be wearin' any spandex
If you look like you're related to the Toxic Avenger
If a whale gets beached and you try to befriend her
If a mechanic sees your body and attaches a fender
Then you won't look good in those spandex
I'm gonna find who designed them it's all his fault
I'm afraid I'm gonna turn into a pillar of salt
When I accidentally look at a derriere
That looks like a walking bean bag chair
This has to be a dream but I can't wake up
It's too horrible a story to ever make up
It's the curse of the 20th century man
To be subjected to this torture again and again
By comparison the Spanish Inquisition was tame
Undersize pants on an oversize dame
Just ain't the way I like to get my kicks
Oh please God please no more fat chicks in spandex

Nereida Gallardo Is The First Plus-Size Model To Hit The Catwalk

Plus Size Nereida walked the catwalk at Fashion Event, in Paços de Ferreira last night. She paraded a number of outfits, including a tight grey dress that made her bum look like two soccer balls.

Her big fat legs threatened to explode from the confines of that black spandex at any moment while the catwalk creaked and groaned under each heavy step she taken.

The Portuguese city of Paço de Ferreira may not have the obvious glamour of Milan or Paris, but the catwalk is a no-fat and no-cellulite place, remember!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Plus Size Nereida Anti-Cellulite Product Is Called Photoshop

Friday, September 25, 2009

Photoshop Is Bugsy’s Best Friend

The most able photoshop experts were called to manipulate Bugsy's photoshoot for Maxmen. One click of the mouse here et voilà her legs are a little bit longer. One click of the mouse there et voilà rolls of fat are gone. One more click, an abracadabra and the cellulite is erased.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Plus Size Nereida Overdoses on Photoshop

You know photoshop's out of control when they make Plus Size Nereida look hot.Who knows how many hours of overtime the good peoples of Maxmen must have gone through to make her look good on their October cover. DON'T BUY IT!

Plus Size Nereida On Portuguese TV

Plus Size Nereida will made her very first appearance on Portuguese TV Record on Friday September 25, hour 16:30. She will visit "O Programa da Tarde" with Elsa Raposo. Bugsy will reveal details about her relationship with Cristiano Ronaldo, will talk openly about her life, career and her new man.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

No Nagging Anymore

Portuguese magazineVidas now is nagging us with Plus Size Nereida interviews ,articles and semi-nude pictures. What's the solution? Try to delete that annoying insect, protest against Nereida Gallardo to

Plus Size Nereida Dislikes Watching Herself In The Mirror

"I like watching myself, I prefer the way I look in photoshoots rather than in the mirror." (the mirror doesn't lie!) I wish to have thinner legs, they always have been like this and I got used to them. I would not have cellulite. I eat a lot and I do not go to the gym. I like my eyes, my breast and my lips."

Monday, September 21, 2009

Plus Size Nereida Will Never Do Vogue Or Cosmopolitan..., in lack of something better she makes do with Vidas.